WHAT IS IT ABOUT YOUR UPBRINGING THAT LED YOU TO PURSUE ART?
At a very young age, I quickly observed how people had a hard time expressing their own emotions and how they may have felt. More importantly, others severely emotionally affected me, especially my parents. Trauma was just a part of Irish culture back in the 1980s. People didn't deal with it that well. They still don’t. While raising me, my parents were quite vulnerable early on in their marriage. My father admitted he was transgender when I was 16, just as the family was collapsing. I had no brothers or sisters to confide in. I quickly absorbed their suffering and confusion along with their naïve decision to be together. It was a long, slow, and painful process seeing them depart from each other. It was also a common occurrence in Catholic Ireland for people to commit at such a young age. At the same time, my parents were open, wild, full of humor, artistic, and genuinely giving when it came to my creativity. Magic tricks, photography, and music were a major inspiration in my youth. I began to play guitar and sing at the age of 11. I was also captivated with taking photos and video recording. There was something very magical happening with my relationship with sound, words, and vision that led me to dig deep and discover the importance of art at an early age. This was probably the only way to comprehend the complexity of my youth and my environment. 


AS A MULTI-HYPHENATE, WHICH MEDIUM OF EXPRESSION HAS FLOURISHED WHILE IN LOCKDOWN? WHICH MEDIUM HAS EXPERIENCED THE MOST SETBACK?
Painting canvas has been the major flourish throughout lockdown. I was always spending a lot of time alone anyway, writing poetry and drawing. However, since Berlin went quiet, there was an extra air of silence throughout the whole place. To be honest, it felt glorious. I kept thinking about how the rest of the population has come down to the emotional pace of the artist. I hope that people have a better chance to reflect on their inner world, which is something I feel is lacking. I think it's very important for people to face certain existential crises in their lives for change to occur.

The medium which experienced the biggest setback is music, especially because of the impossibility of playing live in front of an audience. Luckily, we [the band, Landers] still wrote together and released music throughout this quiet period. It’s been difficult to see the arts suffer because of the pandemic. It’s not easy, and some of my musician friends are at a loss during this time. When our lives get back up and running, I hope the public will understand the importance of art in society before too much of it dissolves.


CAN YOU DESCRIBE THE PROGRESSION OF YOUR VISUAL ART FROM THE BEGINNING TO THE MOST RECENT WORKS?
I studied psychoanalysis for many years, and I had a deep love for music and poetry in parallel with it. However, painting was a form of expression that seemed to follow me for a long time, either through friends or ex-partners taking up the practice. It wasn't until I went to Paris one Christmas with a close painter friend of mine that this medium truly had an impact on my life. I remember we stood in front of a Renoir painting, and I suddenly just broke down crying right in the middle of the museum. It was a moment I’ll never forget. 

In 2011, I moved to Berlin and quickly became obsessed with life-drawing classes. I threw myself into all types of materials and methods. At first, it was complete chaos being frustrated with myself and wanting to learn as quickly as possible, to the point where I realized that I needed to slow down and respect the art form while listening to myself about why I am so affected by it. The insight into how I feel in life and what I am avoiding within myself led me to understand the importance of healing through visual art.

From there, my work became more abstract, internalized beyond just observing an object in the world. I began to accept the desires, the untouched loneliness, the shadow, and the corrupted selves within me. I also began to revisit a sensation I had long forgotten — a feeling of youth, innocence, community, playfulness, real longing for peace, and love. I am still very much on this learning path, allowing new winds and ways to guide me to where I need to get to next. 


WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR ART WOULD LOOK LIKE HAD YOU NOT STUDIED PSYCHOLOGY?
It’s nearly impossible to say. I suppose everything in life creates its impression on things. My years of study with dream analysis had a huge impact on how I view reality. The unconscious realm is fascinating to explore because of its emotional depth. It was certainly an academic push that helped me not to fear the unknown, and instead embrace it as a tool that can help creativity and personal growth. Who knows, without the study of the human psyche in my life, this interview may have never existed. 


WHAT ARE SOME SPECIFIC ELEMENTS OF YOUR VISUAL ART THAT SPEAK TO FRAGILE MASCULINITY?
Most men don't like to come across as sensitive, especially not in front of other men. It makes me sad that there is still this social stigma around men not being able to speak about how they truly feel. Elements of confessions and fears are expressed directly into my work, whether it's through text or certain movements on the canvas. Some would see this as a form of weakness on my part, potentially intimidating for other men to handle. It’s not seen as ‘cool’ or ‘manly’ to express a sensitive side. Part of my work aims to challenge the way men are dealing with their own emotions and accept the fragile side of their psyche, which is ironically a courageous perspective to take on. Accepting the collapse of a masculine identity can be somewhat liberating if it is approached positively. In the end, we are human first before a gender type.


HOW DO YOU KNOW WHEN A PAINTING IS FINISHED? WHAT DOES IT FEEL LIKE?

I feel satisfied when something important speaks to me that's unexplainable. It's a sensation of freedom even though you don't know if the artwork is ever complete, similar to how we remember a dream that affects us deeply, but we don't know why.