We talk over Zoom, where they sit in the passenger seat of their car, “traversing the mist” in LA traffic. It’s a hectic time as they’re preparing to shoot the music video for ghosts. In the backseat, their troupe of stuffed animals is listening intently.

Hannah Rose Prendergast //
When people describe you and your work, an overflow of adjectives comes to mind. As someone who identifies as non-binary, what are your frustrations with the labels attributed to you?
yeule //
As human beings, we need to label things to understand them. In my non-binary experience, it’s not just something worth saying we are. It’s more like I identify as everything; I identify as nothing. I don’t just identify as a woman or a man. I can be in between, or I can be both. It doesn’t bother me when someone uses “she/her” pronouns (instead of “she/they”). I’m very femme-passing most days. The biggest misconception of people who are NB’s (non-binary) is that we find it offensive, but it’s really about other people trying to understand it rather than doing it over and over again. [It’s about] being extremely loving towards these kinds of conversations to do with identity. Like, I see you. I feel you. You’re valid.

There’s a lot of misunderstanding, but people are learning. There’s much more loving energy in your community of people who understand and see you. It’s who you surround yourself by. It’s not always about changing people’s minds. Acceptance is one thing, but it’s also about letting go of the ignorance that prevents you from respecting those who have struggled with gender dysphoria, body image, etc. I didn’t even think gender dysphoria was a thing until I met NB’s — that’s when I found my people. I always felt really safe around them because I felt understood. I think it’s important to protect your space and not be affected by labels created like that.

How would you describe yourself?
In 2021, I had a huge identity crisis. I was becoming a minimalist for a bit. I had to try it out because I’ve always surrounded myself with objects and things I love. Once I stripped all that away, I had an ego death. I could see who I wasn’t and who I was. It was really freaky, and I don’t want to go through it again. I think having an ego is okay; it’s very human. It’s about how you navigate that ego with people. I don’t know how I would describe myself. I’m like a volatile black hole that absorbs things through my lens. I take things I like and hold on to them; their alchemy becomes me.

How is softscars (2023) a natural progression from your last project, Glitch Princess (2022)?
Glitch Princess was all about accepting chaos within digital error. I found out a lot about myself as a perfectionist. It was all about not being able to autotune things, noise clipping, CPO loading. I just exported everything. softscars is similar in bringing it out into the bodily realm. Thinking about scars in a metaphorical way, but also scars on your body, whether it’s from self-harm or surgery. One of my friends recently had top surgery, and they looked so beautiful, showing off their scars.

I call each page in my journal a scar entry. I’ve been doing that for three years. That’s when I became semantically obsessed with the word scars. A scar entry is about a moment that changed me. A lot of songs I was writing came from those scar entries.

We try to cover up scars. We stitch things up so it doesn’t leave a big mark. We slather ourselves in cream so we don’t age. I think it’s important to understand that we’re all going through life, and that’s what makes it a unique experience. Ugliness can be so beautiful, looking taboo, being unconventional — It’ll discriminate against you in some places, but you’ll find new people.

artist talk
yeule
speaks with
Hannah Rose Prendergast

first published
Issue No. 35, 02/2023

Which softscars track was the most challenging to make?
Technically, dazies. The time signature on that. Kin Leonn, my exec producer, and I recorded a bit of that at Abbey Road. There were so many revisions to it because I wanted to change the way I was singing. I wanted to sound closer to the live version, something in the low, low register. There’s an unreleased track, Are You Real?, that I couldn’t finish because every time I listened to it, I’d get triggered and start crying. It was too upsetting.

Feeling detached from reality can sometimes be dangerous; on the other hand, there’s a level of escapism that is healthy and necessary to the creative process — your music touches on that duality. How can you tell when an escape stops being safe?
When I started high school, I was hikikomori (socially removed from society.) I didn’t even leave my room. That really hurt me, but it made me feel so safe and detached from reality. The internet was a form of escape for me, but how I used it was wrong. I was creating this fake world by myself. It was inspiring, but I was in my head to the point where I was imagining things beyond comprehension. I’m a whole different person online, like a whole different persona. It’s not about being inauthentic but showing a part of myself that I repress. I see this anger and dark side to me sometimes when playing games.

Dissociation was a huge hobby of mine in 2021. It got so bad that I’d dissociate while doing something important, and it would get dangerous. My body was shutting down because everything was too overwhelming. I didn’t have the tools to handle strong emotions. I recommend CBT (cognitive-behavioral therapy) or DBT (dialectical behavior therapy) to anyone with BPD (borderline personality disorder) or OCD (obsessive-compulsive disorder) — two things I struggle with.

Knowing that you’re tapping out is a scary thing. At this point in my life, I was just waking up and doing the motions. It took me so long to learn how to feed myself properly. Eating has been such a huge topic of conversation in my music. It’s still so silenced. The Barbie film didn’t even talk about it.
It’s a very dissociative act, the rituals we have when we’re in our heads. Sometimes on stage, I’m even dissociating, and I feel like most of my fans are also dissociating. It’s like one big dissociation party. This is a safe space, dissociate all you want, bestie.

Last Spring, you unveiled (n)secure at London’s Southbank Centre. Do you have any plans for your next installation? What would you like to create?
I’m exploring more set design and incorporating installations into my live shows. I want to do more galleries, but I'm a performer at the end of the day. I like to showcase that when I’m performing. I used to do a lot of sonic installations. I played around with code and built this room in the studio. (n)secure was the full-fleshed version of it.

Can you expand on your belief that “part of the Asian struggle is having to be sublimated into whiteness to be seen as beautiful”?
I was doing a lot of essays on techno orientalism in uni because I was exploring the cyberpunk aesthetic in Hollywood films vs. Asian-made cyberpunk. The best way to describe [techno orientalism] is taking Asianess and making it part of this aesthetic. There’s a lot of sexualization.

It’s tokenism; you’re made to be decoration. The way Asians are portrayed in the media isn’t always out of understanding the culture or where you come from. It’s always about being bright, shiny, beautiful, and young. I love the idea of romanticizing and aestheticizing correctly. It’s the way you portray it, execute it, and respect you give it.

I was really into that conversation, especially living in the UK. I’ll never understand a black person’s perspective or struggle because it’s unique. The only thing we can do is help liberate that. Stop being so ignorant. No one will be able to understand the Asian struggle either, especially the feminine Asian struggle. So often, standards are assigned, and my role right now is to take, dissect, and subvert them.
Singapore is a multicultural country, so I grew up around many different types of people. There’s still light-skinned privilege extending to education and work opportunities. As someone who’s lived in a privileged position [in Singapore], moving to a white country was a completely different experience. I’m now the one having to deal with this. At the same time, I have to understand my privilege and other people’s struggle.

I feel like it’s also in a mindset. The visual world is so deeply engrained into what society is turning at, and what we consume is really important too. I love to reclaim things. I did Shibari (Japanese rope bondage) because I wanted to see myself and how I felt in that position. It was non-sexual, all for the art. There’s a difference between being sexy and being sexualized. Being sexy for yourself is very freeing. If you feel sexy, you look good, you feel confident, and you’re exuding that energy. Pursuing it because someone told you to do it is different. I love being sexy. It can also be sexy dressing like Wee Willie Winky. I still love myself in my black dysphoria hoodie.

You regularly practice showing kindness to AI by personifying your technological devices, keeping them functioning optimally. Do you think you’ll be in a good position when AI takes over?
I named my car Edward. I feel like he drives better when I’m really nice. It’s all about channeling the energy. My relationship with my devices is important because when you treat things well, they treat you well back. When I’m making music, trying to find a nice sound, I go by the feeling of how the knobs work. That’s why I love hardware. I don’t know if AI will take over, but I do know that it’s starting to replace people’s jobs.

In May this year, Grimes launched Elf Tech, designed to create AI versions of her vocals. What are your thoughts on this new venture? Is it something you would like to explore?
I love how innovative C (Claire) is. I think she’s so intelligent. I think people give her shit just because she’s female. I think it’s great. I’m interested in diving into something like that, but right now, I’m focusing on making more visual tech than AI tech. Visual tech is also very cool. I’m trying to see if there’s a tool to do the boring work. No one wants to mask shit.

As someone whose persona is so intricately tied with death and rebirth, what’s your stance on posthumous music release?
The proceeds [should] go to their family. I have no say on whether it’s ethical for a label to profit, but I feel it’s also remembering the person. I’m grateful to be surrounded by people who love me. I know they’ll represent me the way I want to be seen. I don’t think it’s controversial to release posthumously — remembering great art is very important. It depends on what’s going on behind the scenes, too.

What would it sound like if you could collaborate with the late Lou Reed?
I love him. I cried so hard when he died. I don’t know what it would sound like. We could use AI. Maybe I’ll just do it for myself for fun. There are a lot of loopholes we’d need to jump into with the label stuff. There should be a rule about that. You can only use the vocals of an artist who’s died. There would be an automated label and publisher contract based on how much content is used, and royalties are split according to the calculation. Lawyers will go out of business.

What do you look forward to sharing with your audience on the softscars tour this fall?
Touring always brings the reality that there are real yeule-enjoyers out there. I meet the sweetest fans ever who are so loving and kind and together taking care of each other. I get sweet gifts when I’m on tour. softscars will definitely be a crying fest for many. The screaming, sobbing lyrics I heard last year changed me. Touring is always very tiring, but I do love the experience. Sometimes the songs are perfectly played but not emotional. I want to be able to perform with a balance of that. This tour will be better because I have a band, so I’ll be surrounded by people I love and appreciate, people I’m close to. It’ll be a very new era for me, a different way of performing. I’ve always been alone on stage.

What scares you the most?
What scares me the most right now is running out of battery and having no food at home. I don’t want to be empty. I have to feed the sleep paralysis demons.